![]() Lastly the couple moves into the last phase known as “consolidation of change phase” with stages 8 and 9 where new patterns are formed and old conflicts are solved much easier since the attachment questions have been answered and supported. The second phase is known as the “change events phase” that encompasses stages 5-7 where needs and wants are identified as well as partner acceptance. The initial phase which encompasses stages 1-4 is known as the “asses and deescalate phase” which allows a space for the therapist to uncover the primary underlying emotion through presenting the context and patterns. To simply put it, your therapist is going to work with you through the 9 stages of EFT towards connection. As couples are able to change the music to their dance, from what once was filled with attacking and defending the interaction turns into a healing environment that can provide a safe haven. Johnson is able to identify each couples negative dance that often involves ones demands or withdrawals within her “demon dialogues” to help couples move towards changing the music of the dance towards de-escalation. Thus, EFT is able to remove the focus from the conflict of the content such as “who empties the dishwasher “or “arriving late for dinner” to address the deeper struggles with emotional disconnection such as the vulnerability of asking for our attachment needs and fears. Sue Johnson was able to identify that most arguments are stem from each individual reaching out to ask their partner questions such as: “Will you be there for me?”, “Can I count on you?”, and “If I call will you come?” These questions speak to our human need for attachment and are formed and influenced by our families of origin. To summarize the breadth of her work and the importance of connection Johnson said “conflict is the inflammation, emotional disconnection is the virus.” How does it work? ![]() Johnson coined her work Emotionally Focused Therapy, also known as EFT. ![]() Observing this dynamic, in 1980 Sue Johnson sought to create a therapeutic approach that focuses on attachments and secure bonds. Through the chaos of our daily lives including work, stress, children, and families, many couples struggle to maintain the spark of connection that ignited the relationship in the beginning. Congratulations on looking to take your relationship to a deeper level of connection.
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